Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Tell it Like it is Tuesday

As a little homage to the Triple J radio segment of days gone by, here is my "Tell it Like it is Tuesday":

There is NOTHING more annoying and frigging pointless in the whole wide world than sports tribunals. I'm sure you know what I mean - various sports codes have set up their own little kangaroo courts to defend and accuse and prosecute charges such as "hitting" and "biting". Bring me the smelling salts Mavis, I am going to faint due to the overpowering scent of RIDICULOUSNESS. It is just a game kids. As in not real life. If you want to hit someone, or perhaps glass them in the face, do it on your own time like Wayne Carey, because then you get to go to the Big Person courtroom.

I suppose if they want to keep playing grownups after the final siren has blasted each week, that's ok, but I don't want to hear about it. I hate the way 5 minutes of news time is devoted to the reportage of this mind-numbing dross as though it actually mattered. I'm sorry but "football players display violence and aggression" is not exactly news, is it?

There are important events happening in the world all the time, but they don't get reported on because the reporter who would otherwise be free to cover the story is busy at a press conference being held by people who have a poor to dismal grasp of the English language, and talk in more cliches than a greeting card. For instance, I am going to do a load of washing today and it is a BIG DEAL, which I am currently mentally preparing myself for. Is there someone around to interview me about it? No. Should there be? I don't see why not.

9 comments:

Cléa said...

Sports men and women should not be allowed to speak on national television. Period. Or radio for that matter.

Felix for Zosia said...

I couldn't agree more; especially when they are out of breath. What's the point? It's so much effort for so little reward.

Rosie said...

is that what tribunals are for down under? over here they're for corrupt politicians, cops, child abusers, etc. and people queue to get into the public gallery to watch them.

we're big into both schadenfreude and public outrage over here.

Juice Bar said...

I think the most hilarious thing is how they get all dressed up in suits because they, are like, serious, dude.

Original Mel said...

I think their faux apologies are the best. I used to write that shit for the sports "stars" represented at various tribunals. It always made me laugh when some insincere "star" was apologising for getting caught on 8 different slow mo replays stomping on his opponent's head, especially when 5 minutes previously he had been telling me that "it's how we play the game - and fuck it, we won, didn't we?"

General rule of thumb for apologies - mention the fans, the kiddies and the club in that order.

Felix for Zosia said...

Rosie - yeah. Because we are all convicts over here the only crime anyone worries about is on the sports field.

JB - Like, totally. Y' Know? Totally.

OMel - "General rule of thumb for apologies - mention the fans, the kiddies and the club in that order." Mate, I am taking this as my Life Lesson. Genius.

Nerd Girl said...

Maybe you need to sexually abuse that load of laundry and then beat up its significant other, that should get you some good news time.

Felix for Zosia said...

Nerd Girl, are you studying journalism? That is very astute!

Nerd Girl said...

Ah, Zosia, I study everything